why does my house FEEL bad?

Comments (45)

Sonia
3 years ago
I’m not into the aura and energy thing, but I do think houses have a vibe about them. It’s what makes us choose them. For example my house needed a complete refurbishment when I viewed it so it wasn’t the decor that affected my choice, it was the wonderful light, big windows, the garden size. We both just knew it was “the one” rather like when you meet the right partner!

However my parents house was dark, only got a bit of sun in the morning, and the flow just wasn’t good. My parents also had a very volatile relationship and always argued so maybe that affected how I felt too.

I am a great believer that when people you love visit, you are left with a happy inner glow which then affects your outlook. This is common when visiting people with dementia - they may not remember you have visited but they will be left with a feeling of happiness and warmth even if they don’t know why. So yes, visiting people with dementia is still worth doing - play music they loved or show them photos of people they knew by naming them, never asking them who they are as they may not remember.

This is my take on your theory, based on how I have felt about homes I’ve lived in. So yes visitors can affect the feel of your home. 🌺
Juliet Docherty
3 years ago
This is a very interesting post. I will be completely honest and say that I would avoid thinking that anything will be fixed with essential oils and any such approach. Are you certain that it has nothing to do with decor? I have lived in six houses in the last twenty years and the one I live in now has been the most difficult to get right. There are many reasons for this, one is that most rooms are single aspect and all the other houses I have lived in have been double aspect. I think it can't be overstated how important light is, and the recent trend for painting interiors grey, whilst in some respects can be beautiful is not necessarily right for many homes. In addition to this, whilst we know that colours can make us feel a certain way, and have an emotional value, so is the case for materials. Why don't you post some photos and see what advice you get?
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Hi, I think how you decorate should really depend on your personality. Surround yourself with things or images that make you smile and make you feel good. Another thing is references to nature can actually help to reduce your stress levels. I see you already have a plant and a few wooden elements so that's great. A view out to nature would be even better if you can reposition where you sit. I think you may need to post a few images of the kind of interiors you already like so we can get an idea of your taste before we can suggest prints or clocks. Currently from your furniture your taste looks quite minimal, monochrome and quite slick? Perhaps integrating your TV into a storage wall may add a bit of interest. I hope this helps as a starting point.
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1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
Thank you so much for your comments, the house on paper is perfect for us, lovely big rooms, big windows, large front and back gardens etc, yes I’m sceptical about essential oils etc but I’ve re decorated and replaced everything so many times that I was out of options and google kept suggesting it was the ‘energy’ of the house. Thank you, yes I’ll take some pictures now and add them to the comments ☺️
mii2
3 years ago
I also am not an essential oils lover..! Reading your posts, I am struck by your comments and the fact you have redecorated so many times.... this in itself seems to be a sign that there may be a feeling of being unsettled in you and your family, not with the house. When we moved from our last house, our children found it very difficult to settle, although the house met all the things on their wish lists! After nearly a year of not quite getting this solved, and us beginning to feel not as in love with our purchase, we had a week of talking through things as a family, returning to earlier points made and drawing further on their detail.. Eventually they began to see their emotions were not connected to the house but to other changes that had occurred at the same time but these were being connected to the physical bricks and mortar. I am in no way inferring it’s a major issue in your family but maybe one of you is carrying emotions that you are directing towards the house and these are being interpreted by others as the house being the issue. One thing that came out was the fact their grandparents visited less as there was a motorway driving route to get to our new house, we sorted this by helping the oldies find a route on A class roads and arranging to visit them more often. I think I may need to try some essential oils after reading this back, but I hope you can see the logic in my post!
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
Here’s some photos from my phone, obviously everyone has different tastes in decor and I’m definitely not one for colour, it makes me feel stressed 🤣 lol x
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
Xx
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
Ed, no like I said these photos are from my phone, not now 😊
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
I quite like the decor, so I don’t think it’s that but I’d love to know what you all think,like I said it’s more how it feels not looks, it’s so hard to explain, I was even thinking should I re carpet so it’s got a softer feeling under foot, but that was a no go with hubby, I really can’t figure out what it is
Jonathan
3 years ago
My first thought was that electric lights are getting whiter and so a neutral scheme could feel cold. The solution is extra lamps with warm bulbs or adding extra warmth to your decorating scheme.
Then you look at the pictures and the absence of plants and personal pictures and objects is noticeable to me.
If it were my neutral interior I think I would have a touch of black so there is more contrast in the room.
It’s also possible you have used a similar colour palate and reused much furniture and you are just tired of this look having repeated it in other homes.
Wumi
3 years ago
Could be all the anticipation and excitement of moving into 'the house' that ticks all your boxes and that you have decorated to your liking has now dissipated and it feels a little anticlimactic. I've felt this way about some projects, almost wanting to just forget about them once they were finished because the 'planning and executing' stage was the best bit!

Looking at the photos you posted, everything looks really clean and neutral, but appears to be missing personal touches. Family photo's, artwork, ornaments, plants that can give a bit of character and tell a story. You could inject some warmth in by adding wooden furnishings.

This may sound weird, but I think houses have a presence / personality based on the objects placed inside and the way they are used. Maybe have a think about how you interact with the objects and rooms in your house to try and pick out those interaction that bring comfort and those that are causing this feeling of disconnection.
Daisy England
3 years ago
It’s lovely. Like a show home. For me all I see is beige In various shades. I would be wanting an injection of colour.
minnie101
3 years ago
Your home is beautiful. I do agree with Jonathan though that it might be slightly lacking in your own personality as when (sometimes) people have used an interior designer and it's maybe too perfect. That personality could be added with antique/vintage pieces, hand crafted things, art, plants, pattern, holiday mementos, books, photos etc etc. I love the texture you have too but maybe try and vary it a little though in places? Your bed for instance seems to have a lot of velvet? I wouldn't really change anything, albeit a few cushions, just build a little more on what you've got. I also agree I think a couple of darker accents would work in the lounge or maybe even a "disruptor" piece as everything is so well coordinated.

You also mentioned your mum making the house feel cosy so maybe introducing a few things that remind you of your childhood home/mum would help?? They don't need to be replicas, for instance I have a carriage clock, which i don't actually like so is practically out of sight but I've kept it as the ticking reminds me of my Nan or you could use candles/diffusers to replicate that.
arc3d
3 years ago
Hi Jade,

Anyone who hasn't experienced it won't know what it is.

The feeling that your house is perfect but your home is not...

Unfortunately the solution is not a pretty one.
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
Thank you all for giving me so much to think about ☺️ we do have lots of personal touches, wedding photos, shells from holidays on display etc sorry they weren’t visible on the photos I put on,
And although it might not look very characteristic I get a lot of my inspiration from my grandma’s house 😊 my favourite childhood home.
Also we do have lots of warm lamps/lighting, and oak flooring and kitchen worktops, so I’m still stumped 🤔 but will keep trying to figure it out, thank u all for your help ☺️
Anthony (Beano)
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
It has a hotel feel to it, It’s very well done in the way you have did it but I’ll echo some of the above comments, plants and personal effects, or the lack of I should say, I also don’t see any wall art or framed pictures.

dont take my comments in the wrong way, it’s a very well decorated and very show home/Kelly Hopkins but is that what you were going for? Is this the same style that you went for in your last homes? if not how does it differ.
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Marina Drobot at Cinnamon Space
3 years ago
Do you have pictures of the other houses where you lived where you feel homely?
minipie
3 years ago
The only thing that I notice decor wise is the mirrored TV unit, I find mirrors a bit unsettling if they are not face height and in an “expected“ place (eg above basin or hallway table) but that’s probably personal to me! Is the unit a little too high perhaps leading to an overly formal feeling?

However that wouldn’t explain your feelings about the house as a whole anyway...

Perhaps your mum had made some small adjustments you didn’t notice at the time? For example had some lights on and not others? Switched something off as it was making an electrical noise that bothered her?? Grasping at straws here!
PRO
Marina Drobot at Cinnamon Space
3 years ago
We moved to our current house, which meant to be forever home, about 3 years ago and I know the feeling you are describing. No matter what I do, it does not feel like home to me. In my case, I have an explanation. We moved to this lovely 3 bedroom house in suburbs from a one bedroom flat in buzzing Hackney. I have an office and my husband has a workshop at the end of a mature garden full of birds and wildlife (which was my the most important criteria when we were looking for a new house) it’s perfect, but in a wrong area. People appreciate wildlife in London more than here. Also, no matter what I do, I cannot shake off the strong presence of the previous owners of the house, they lived here for 40 years. They are alive and well and moved to the coast for a better quality life, but everything in the house reminds me of them. So until you remove the psychological factors (which can be anything new work, new school for the children, neighbours, sounds, smell, layout of the house, light etc) the decor won’t help. I tend to creates pockets of coziness. Low pendant over a breakfast nook in the kitchen where I can sit and watch the garden. A cosy space in the bedroom where I read, a comfy spot in the office.
Also you mentioned that colours stress you up. You are very sensitive to your environment. But if I can suggest, colours are like spices in your life, they awake your senses. Maybe, you could work with a colour specialist who can help you to discover the colours that speak to you. You ask so can start from a small things, like a picture or a pillow or vase, a plate. Add a bit of salt and pepper and don’t try to make the whole house work at once. Maybe you met your match and it will take longer to grow into this house. Start small.
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Marina Drobot at Cinnamon Space
3 years ago
Also looking at your pictures, I think the layout of the living room might be discussed more. Do you have a plan and the furniture position? The rug is a bit too small for that area, it’s better if the furniture in the group touch the rug, it brings grounding feeling. As stated before, the tv position needs to be addressed. There is a clash of the modern technology and glamour and the proportions are bit distorted. The furniture is focused on the lower level, you need to go up: above the tv, the bed etc. The furniture, accessories and decor is lovely, but even if you don’t use colour as much, it would feel better if you bring some pattern and add a movement to the space. You mastered the art of texture, now add pattern. Why not to inject a bit of yellow, orange, ochre into the pillows and throws and curtains. You can add a row of pom-poms or a trim to the curtains with a touch of gold.
J
3 years ago
How were your other homes decorated? Can you think of any differences between those and this house? Do you like your neighbours? The area? Have there been any significant changes in your life? Even good ones like a promotion at work might mean less time together as a family etc..

Think of any friends and family's homes that feel cosy and relaxing, can you think about what makes it like that? E.g. even though Sarah's landlord won't let her do anything about the awful wallpaper, her house is really warm, the armchairs are comfy and close together so it's easy to chat and there are always interesting things to look at on her walls.
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
I can’t thank you all enough! I think I’ve just realised that in my other homes I had a lot more ‘natural’ elements in my decor, I used to even have little Buddhas, twigs in vases, and oak furniture, obviously I’ve changed with the times and seem to have gone more ‘glam’ but it’s taken away the natural feel to it. I’m going to have a look online today and see what I can find to add to it, I’m going to focus on the living room first and have something like this in mind..
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
It is odd though as the hallway and kitchen are oak and I find it quite overpowering so I think I’ve gone to far the other way in the rest of the house 🤦🏼‍♀️
Juliet Docherty
3 years ago
Marion's pictures are lovely, especially the one with the cream Morocccan rug. Colour temperature is something that is not really discussed much, but in my opinion, for what it's worth I consider it to be the most important aspect of design when it comes to how something feels. The perceived temperature of a room can shift dramatically with just a few changes, for example a greyed paint on the walls to a cleaner more reflective paint can make all the difference. Whitewashed floors look beautiful but they are cooler than traditional coloured wood etc. Shiny surfaces (associated with glamour) are perhaps more cooler than earthy more natural materials. All things to think about, good luck.
Emmanuelle
3 years ago
Hello! I personally feel your home is not open enough onto the outside, on nature, on greenery ... it’s too dark and lacking natural light. I would try to get more natural sunlight in; most of the windows we can see are half covered with curtains, some have obscured glass.
Pull the curtains away from the windows, move your furniture so you can sit and enjoy a view. Have you considered having some downstairs windows transformed into French doors? So you can put the sofa in front and watch the seasons pass by in your garden. For me, natural light and view on my garden is key. I want to see greenery and sun as much as I can !
J
3 years ago
Have you looked into feng shui. I'm sure a lot of it is nonsense, but I do believe some of it makes sense from a psychological point of view, e.g. I'm sure there's something about mess draining energy and I'd agree with that. It was your mirrored furniture that made me think of it, I'm sure there's something about mirrors in the wrong place being bad in feng shui...
kazzh
3 years ago
So glad the contributors here have been able to help you think through what you are experincing in your home. Hope you are able to find your balance. Do let us know if you have been able to make some changes which help you feel more settled and at home.
jasmine_west39
3 years ago
Lovely home- nothing wrong with your decor. Try White sage and burn it in a saucer let the smoke moving around the house. Then wait and see what happens next... some changes will occur.
1111x thanked jasmine_west39
alyper
3 years ago
Add things with life : music and sound (even just the radio on), books, a couple of big plants. A dog or cat?!
deejohnson
3 years ago
Room looks like a showroom or a catalogue - sorry.
iolosdad
3 years ago
Stop trying to be an interior designer and create a home instead ? Otherwise you’ll have another next directory house - sorry
Dionne DeSouza
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Hi jade 😊
Your home is lovely. You have really good taste. This might be a long shot for your home but in our home we discovered we had high humidity that made the air in the house feel heavy and almost oppressive sometimes. You could notice it as soon as you opened the front door. You mentioned changing the carpet and when humidity levels are high, carpets don't feel cosy underfoot. A humidity meter is a few quid to buy on the Internet. You can get packs of 4 and put them in different places in the home.
I wonder if when your mum came she switched on the heating and changed the 'air' which you noticed when you came in. You can't rule out the emotional and spiritual imprint left by the former owners. This is something we also experienced with our house and addressed at the very start of our refurb with simple cheap measures.
Im curious as to how your family experience the house also.?
Congrats once again on your lovely decor x
1111x thanked Dionne DeSouza
Laurette Cruickshank
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Have you considered a feng shui practitioner? I have personal experience of what a staggering difference they can make to the energy and feel of a home.
Anicecuppatea
3 years ago
I am enjoying this conversation! We moved to a small 2 bed London flat 5 years ago and I still hate it for many of the reasons stated here. The only room I like is my bedroom in which I have colourful flowered wallpaper - not my taste I thought but it works amazingly well. maybe I need to do the same in the front room which I hate.
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
@dionne deSouza I honestly think you have just gave me a light bulb moment! I’m researching into humidity now, thank you so much ☺️. It would make perfect sense as I get problems with the temperature and mould, thank you
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
Sorry for not replying I didn’t realise people were still commenting,
Thanks so much we’ve all read some great advice, and also had some great laughs 😂

anyway,

My office is purple, the hallway is blue, bathroom green and big windows and plants etc in the kitchen, as I’ve already stated we have photos, which I won’t post as the internet seems to have a few odd people on it 🤔😂

please stop telling me to fill my home with clutter
My post was never asking for decor advice so sorry if you miss understood.

My bedroom and living room are neutral because that’s how I want them, they are my places to relax and drink Prosecco when the kids are in bed so I’d rather not be trying to relax in a place that reminds me of Joseph’s technicolour dream coat 🤢🥂😊

I asked the girls if I could take a pic of there toys, dress up, art etc but they said no, I also asked if they would be willing to cut off a teddy bear’s ear to improve the ambiance of the whole house- that was also a no 😕

Iolosdad I can tell you’re a man of few words but can’t thank you enough, your comment was so full of advice and wisdom, how stupid of me to think I could make a house a home by filling it with homewear-
I’ll head for the screwfix catalogue next time.
Dionne DeSouza
3 years ago
@1111x yes absolutely sounds like humidity esp. If you have issues keeping the temperature stable and you've seen mould. You will need to get a good dehumidifier hun and run it for a few weeks. you'll be amazed at the difference in the 'feel' of the air of the house. X
rachelmidlands
3 years ago
Just wanted to say that this is a very interesting discussion. @1111x you know your own tastes in decor and it’s well presented. Others will always have their own opinions. I think we’re polar opposites as i‘m nearly always living amongst clutter...mostly hubby’s computer and brewing equipment (drives me crazy) but so long as it’s clean and comfortable I’m happy.

Do houses or people leave an energy or aura....no idea, but possibly as I’ve heard many circumstances of it. The feng shui thing I find interesting. From your photos I noticed a couple of things. By the dining table you have a small window but grand curtains that are sort of framing the radiator, kind of makes you focus on what is a bland (yet necessary) object. Then others have picked up on the mirrored tv cabinet, it’s a lovely cabinet but I’m not sure I’d want to be staring at my knobbly knees and ankles when I’m watching tv 🤣. No idea if things like that are feng shui faux pars, would be interesting to research further but by all means ignore me if you like things as they are.

Good shout on the humidity, we tend to leave windows open upstairs throughout the day as we find it really helps with the airflow not to mention the heat from 3 computers running at full pelt every day.

Stay safe and hope your home finds its happy. 😊
PRO
Ensign Accessories
3 years ago
I know you have had many comments and ideas and suggestions - I could not scroll past, I just had to say something. Whilst you do not like colour, I think you mean bright colours, as all colours, including beige is a colour. My opinion is that it is far too beige, and the colour beige will never feel warm, inviting or homely. It looks like a house, not a home. Subtle colours, pale green for example can inject something. You say you have redecorated a few times - did you try white on the walls? This would make your beige furnishings stand out more and make them feel comfy - also the old trick of adding a few pale colour cushions to the sofa. Also add patterns and textures.
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
Ensign accessories, thank you I think the photos I put on do not really give a good overall picture of our home, I do use colour, and patterns, and chop and change when I feel like it, the living room isn’t actually that colour anymore either I just found some pictures on my phone and put them on because people were asking to see, I was more looking along the lines of advice past the decor part, which I’ve had some great advice on ☺️ thank you for your ideas though 😊
1111x
Original Author
3 years ago
X
PRO
Ensign Accessories
3 years ago

jade1476x - that is so much better - now it looks like a comfy home.
Jaq Cualey
3 years ago
Hopefully you are all feeling much more at home now, however if you are still feeling 'not quite right' it maybe worth considering if the location or orientation might have an impact .

Very interesting conversation, thank you !
HU-876532580
2 years ago
I have been fighting with my house in a similar way. My stuff has always been very ornate, jewel toned, dark furniture. I usually have been able to make my stuff work anywhere I am.

Not in this current house! It’s a ranch one story, dime a dozen floorplan, no big deal, right? Oh no. This house and I have fought nonstop with decor and placement. Everything I have feels wrong (looks fine but feels wrong), and I get a very strong 1970’s orange/green vibe from it. IT WANTS ORANGE!!

So I’ve tried to stick with an earthy orange/brown tone everything I’ve picked since living here. I can only do so much though and I have to stay in the 21st century obviously, but I can still feel this house fighting back. No I am *not* laying down orange shag carpet. I just put in a grey/tan multicolored carpet, tough luck! No, I will *not* paint my walls dark brown, a light tan is all I’ll do. I’m *not* stripping my trim back to the wood, and I’m *not* replacing all of my blue things with green.

You may have a similar issue with your house - maybe it just wants a 1970’s avacado green kitchen, but you have a very sleek 1920’s style. Some houses are just ornery that way - they have a very strong “personality” which I assume is from the builder/designer somehow.
Rosie G
2 years ago
This is such an interesting thread. I’ve found using some feng shui principles made quite a difference in our rented house. I started out ‘buying’ the idea that clutter drains you, and getting rid of that was so successful that I looked into it further. It’s mostly sensible things, not that woo woo, like putting your bed head against a solid wall so you feel safe when asleep. I also got rid of all the stuff (c***) under our bed and we have noticeably better sleep now. My engineer husband is convinced. There’s a very light touch, easy-read book called Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life that I followed.

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why does my house FEEL bad?

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