Decorating
10 Truths About Renovating With Your Partner
A recent Houzz survey uncovered statistics that reveal what an emotional rollercoaster renovating with a significant other can be…
Given the expense, the barrage of daily decisions to be made and, of course, the fact that you – literally – have to live with the results, it’s perhaps unsurprising that many of us have found working on a project with our nearest and dearest rather challenging. In fact, 48% of Houzzers in the UK found renovating with their partner to be ‘frustrating’, 33% said it was ‘difficult’, and 17% even described it as ‘painful’. Can you relate? If so, you’ll recognise these home truths about the process.
There’s such a thing as a ‘renovation conversation curfew’
A curfew may be imposed if one of you – that’ll probably be you, the one reading Houzz right now, when you ought to be answering work emails – becomes ‘obsessed’ with your project (your partner’s words, obvs).
But if pillow talk round your place has turned to the proportions of the proposed shelving unit / the perfect door handles / the challenges of the lighting scheme in your new extension, it could be worth complying. Yes, decisions need to be made, but a curfew could be for your own good – and that of your relationship.
A curfew may be imposed if one of you – that’ll probably be you, the one reading Houzz right now, when you ought to be answering work emails – becomes ‘obsessed’ with your project (your partner’s words, obvs).
But if pillow talk round your place has turned to the proportions of the proposed shelving unit / the perfect door handles / the challenges of the lighting scheme in your new extension, it could be worth complying. Yes, decisions need to be made, but a curfew could be for your own good – and that of your relationship.
The paint aisle can be a dangerous place
Decorating should be the fun part of a renovation project, the final polish when you can enjoy making creative decisions about colours and finishes.
But when there are two of you making those decisions, ‘fun’ may not be the first adjective you’d both use – especially in the aisles of your local DIY store. Here, the stage is set for one of you to demonstrate theatrical disbelief that the other doesn’t know the difference between oil-based and water-based gloss / eggshell and satinwood. How can a person get this far in life without such basic knowledge?! (And doesn’t everyone know the difference between Hague Blue and Stiffkey Blue?)
Defensiveness from the accused party will (understandably) ensue, as will amused glances from fellow shoppers, each of whom will feel your pain – unless, of course, they’re single and blissfully autonomous when it comes to DIY. (By the way, if you recognise the accent paint shade in this kitchen, you are almost certainly the theatrical one in this stressy shopping situation.)
Try your hand at spotting the different paint shades in these other blue kitchens.
Decorating should be the fun part of a renovation project, the final polish when you can enjoy making creative decisions about colours and finishes.
But when there are two of you making those decisions, ‘fun’ may not be the first adjective you’d both use – especially in the aisles of your local DIY store. Here, the stage is set for one of you to demonstrate theatrical disbelief that the other doesn’t know the difference between oil-based and water-based gloss / eggshell and satinwood. How can a person get this far in life without such basic knowledge?! (And doesn’t everyone know the difference between Hague Blue and Stiffkey Blue?)
Defensiveness from the accused party will (understandably) ensue, as will amused glances from fellow shoppers, each of whom will feel your pain – unless, of course, they’re single and blissfully autonomous when it comes to DIY. (By the way, if you recognise the accent paint shade in this kitchen, you are almost certainly the theatrical one in this stressy shopping situation.)
Try your hand at spotting the different paint shades in these other blue kitchens.
You’ll discover you have a dark side
Not the lovely dark of this painted wall, but a mischievous side, hellbent on petty revenges borne of the frustrations and mental exhaustion that renovation can provoke.
Perhaps you’re the one at home, briefing the builder for the day and, fed up with a stream of emailed instructions about the job in hand from your other half, you’ll gleefully override a decision on something you know your partner is set on. Later, you’ll scratch your head and say you’re sure that’s what they said… but perhaps you got it wrong. Oops.
Do you recognise the 10 signs you’re in the middle of a renovation project?
Not the lovely dark of this painted wall, but a mischievous side, hellbent on petty revenges borne of the frustrations and mental exhaustion that renovation can provoke.
Perhaps you’re the one at home, briefing the builder for the day and, fed up with a stream of emailed instructions about the job in hand from your other half, you’ll gleefully override a decision on something you know your partner is set on. Later, you’ll scratch your head and say you’re sure that’s what they said… but perhaps you got it wrong. Oops.
Do you recognise the 10 signs you’re in the middle of a renovation project?
You’ll hone your stealth tactics to get your way
Different details will be important to different couples, and often also to each individual in a couple, too. This is one of the most common causes for stealth shopping.
Not prepared to compromise on the hand-printed wallpaper for the bedroom? A teensy-tiny white lie about how much it cost when you went ahead and bought it anyway won’t hurt (and 16% of those surveyed have done the same). Disagree with the tile choice your beloved desires? Perhaps you’re the type to keep quiet and generously offer to take charge of sourcing said tiles. You’ll do your best, but – oh no! – they’re out of stock for six weeks. That’s your story, anyway. Now where’s that tile catalogue…
More than a quarter of UK respondents to the Houzz survey – which polled users across the globe, from France to the US to Japan – admitted to having made a significant design or purchase decision without telling their partner.
Different details will be important to different couples, and often also to each individual in a couple, too. This is one of the most common causes for stealth shopping.
Not prepared to compromise on the hand-printed wallpaper for the bedroom? A teensy-tiny white lie about how much it cost when you went ahead and bought it anyway won’t hurt (and 16% of those surveyed have done the same). Disagree with the tile choice your beloved desires? Perhaps you’re the type to keep quiet and generously offer to take charge of sourcing said tiles. You’ll do your best, but – oh no! – they’re out of stock for six weeks. That’s your story, anyway. Now where’s that tile catalogue…
More than a quarter of UK respondents to the Houzz survey – which polled users across the globe, from France to the US to Japan – admitted to having made a significant design or purchase decision without telling their partner.
To-do lists aren’t for everyone
Some of us thrive on a never-ending to-do list; it helps us to feel in control of a sprawling project that threatens to take over our life if not tamed with order.
Others see these lists as a tyranny, and wonder if there’s such a thing as a completed to-do list. (Answer: probably not for long.)
Read 11 surprising facts about UK renovation habits
Some of us thrive on a never-ending to-do list; it helps us to feel in control of a sprawling project that threatens to take over our life if not tamed with order.
Others see these lists as a tyranny, and wonder if there’s such a thing as a completed to-do list. (Answer: probably not for long.)
Read 11 surprising facts about UK renovation habits
Compromise is frustrating… but necessary
It can be so hard when you just know, because, like, it’s really obvious, that your idea or taste is better, can’t it? It’s doubly tough when two halves of one couple both think this way. And, with just 19% of Houzz pollsters admitting to having the same taste as their partner, harder still.
Encouragingly, 62% of Houzzers who responded said they’d successfully managed to blend their styles. It can be helpful to take a breather (or at least some deep breaths) and focus on the ideas / shops / styles you do both like as a starting point. Hang on in there and keep talking…
It can be so hard when you just know, because, like, it’s really obvious, that your idea or taste is better, can’t it? It’s doubly tough when two halves of one couple both think this way. And, with just 19% of Houzz pollsters admitting to having the same taste as their partner, harder still.
Encouragingly, 62% of Houzzers who responded said they’d successfully managed to blend their styles. It can be helpful to take a breather (or at least some deep breaths) and focus on the ideas / shops / styles you do both like as a starting point. Hang on in there and keep talking…
Communication can be challenging
‘What do you mean you don’t understand this really clear back-of-an-envelope sketch that perfectly illustrates the shelving arrangement / tiling pattern / room layout I’m trying to describe?’
Even for couples who are great communicators, it can be surprisingly difficult to convey your design ideas to one another. The pressure of a third party – perhaps your builder, who will need clear instructions before you go to work in the morning – can only exacerbate things.
But console yourself with the fact that you’re not alone: 28% of those surveyed admitted that communicating with one another while renovating was a point of contention.
And take a tip from the 14% of respondents who said they’d felt compelled to sneak out of the house at some point to escape the process. They do say a break is as good as a rest.
Discover how to successfully share a home office
‘What do you mean you don’t understand this really clear back-of-an-envelope sketch that perfectly illustrates the shelving arrangement / tiling pattern / room layout I’m trying to describe?’
Even for couples who are great communicators, it can be surprisingly difficult to convey your design ideas to one another. The pressure of a third party – perhaps your builder, who will need clear instructions before you go to work in the morning – can only exacerbate things.
But console yourself with the fact that you’re not alone: 28% of those surveyed admitted that communicating with one another while renovating was a point of contention.
And take a tip from the 14% of respondents who said they’d felt compelled to sneak out of the house at some point to escape the process. They do say a break is as good as a rest.
Discover how to successfully share a home office
You may question your entire relationship before the project is over
The Houzz poll revealed that, while the majority of couples (53%) thought, ‘We make a great team,’ while renovating, others weren’t as sure. And 12% even asked, ‘How did I end up with this person?!’
The smallest thing, such as the way you both treat tools, can all too easily get inflated into a metaphor for your entire relationship. If you’ve gone out and lovingly selected the perfect paintbrush for the job, paying over the odds for that perfectly angled model with soft, non-shedding bristles – discovering your other half has left it soaked with paint, and ready for the bin, can feel like a personal affront. Similarly, the person who regularly forgets to charge the spare battery for the cordless drill can provoke feelings of despair in their nearest and dearest.
It’s important to take time out to do things together that you used to love, things that don’t involve decorating equipment, to keep everything in perspective. You may find it equally helpful to hire a good painter and decorator and to steer clear of sharing tools altogether.
The Houzz poll revealed that, while the majority of couples (53%) thought, ‘We make a great team,’ while renovating, others weren’t as sure. And 12% even asked, ‘How did I end up with this person?!’
The smallest thing, such as the way you both treat tools, can all too easily get inflated into a metaphor for your entire relationship. If you’ve gone out and lovingly selected the perfect paintbrush for the job, paying over the odds for that perfectly angled model with soft, non-shedding bristles – discovering your other half has left it soaked with paint, and ready for the bin, can feel like a personal affront. Similarly, the person who regularly forgets to charge the spare battery for the cordless drill can provoke feelings of despair in their nearest and dearest.
It’s important to take time out to do things together that you used to love, things that don’t involve decorating equipment, to keep everything in perspective. You may find it equally helpful to hire a good painter and decorator and to steer clear of sharing tools altogether.
The worker bears the brunt
When you first embark on a DIY renovation, or perhaps just some redecorating together, forget those happy paint adverts, where smiling couples laugh and joke as they paint the nursery together, or those content-looking husbands or wives bringing their relaxed-looking beloved a cuppa and harmoniously surveying the hard work.
This status quo is a privileged one, earned only by those who’ve done their time at the coalface of communal redecoration, gained a deeper understanding of one another, and made (and stuck to) some serious relationship promises. The reality is that the person without the paintbrush will:
a) Dislike the colour upon seeing so much of it for the first time (and the painter, having spent several hours on the job, will not agree).
b) Ask why the skirting boards weren’t masked better.
c) Get quite passionate about whether or not the radiator should have been painted.
When you first embark on a DIY renovation, or perhaps just some redecorating together, forget those happy paint adverts, where smiling couples laugh and joke as they paint the nursery together, or those content-looking husbands or wives bringing their relaxed-looking beloved a cuppa and harmoniously surveying the hard work.
This status quo is a privileged one, earned only by those who’ve done their time at the coalface of communal redecoration, gained a deeper understanding of one another, and made (and stuck to) some serious relationship promises. The reality is that the person without the paintbrush will:
a) Dislike the colour upon seeing so much of it for the first time (and the painter, having spent several hours on the job, will not agree).
b) Ask why the skirting boards weren’t masked better.
c) Get quite passionate about whether or not the radiator should have been painted.
Remember, there’s light at the end of the tunnel
Despite the relationship strain, more than 90% of survey respondents said the result was worth the effort, with almost two-thirds adding that they felt happier in their homes thanks to the project – more comfortable and more organised. Hurrah!
Most encouragingly, more than a quarter said they now spend more time together at home thanks to their completed project: proof that a hearty disagreement can often bring you closer together – and much better prepared for your next joint renovation.
TELL US…
What have been your experiences of working on a renovation or decorating project with your partner? Share anecdotes – and helpful tips! – in the Comments below.
Despite the relationship strain, more than 90% of survey respondents said the result was worth the effort, with almost two-thirds adding that they felt happier in their homes thanks to the project – more comfortable and more organised. Hurrah!
Most encouragingly, more than a quarter said they now spend more time together at home thanks to their completed project: proof that a hearty disagreement can often bring you closer together – and much better prepared for your next joint renovation.
TELL US…
What have been your experiences of working on a renovation or decorating project with your partner? Share anecdotes – and helpful tips! – in the Comments below.
While some renovators are spurred on by an image of the finished project – a pristine kitchen extension like this one, for example – others simply aren’t quite as driven by the idea of completion. Which can be, like, really annoying for both parties.
DIY projects are fertile ground for this kind of couple discontentment. If you’re in the former camp, you will be infuriated that a person can sleep at night having paused halfway through the re-grouting project two months ago! If you’re in the latter, you will vainly argue for quality of life, weekends off and the importance of mental rest.
This kind of relaxed attitude, of course, does not extend to a relaxed response when said partner is prodded towards completion; the ‘doer’ will tread carefully, itching to get in there and finish it themselves, or grumbling to get someone in.
But if this is you, be warned: the repercussions of ‘taking over’ may be greater than the satisfaction of seeing the work finished. Throughout this impasse, a comfortable resentment will blossom between you.